Psst, don't tell anyone...... I've been a junkie since I was 13
Step one click this
Like all drugs, you just stumble upon it and have heard stuff about it, you see everyone takes this stuff like how it was normal to use it, not frowned upon and even in public. There were different kinds, different strains, colours, it was like you got teleported into a space, where all these bright beams of different colours are just flowing and swirling. Ocean Blue, Firetruck Red, Mellow Yellow, Lush Green and a lot more, which were fading slowly into their neon counterparts and back. You are in the middle of it, over cloud nine, goosebumps all over, there is a tsunami happening in the brain, and, in the middle of all this, there is stillness and peace.
After this life-changing discovery, the goal is to feel like that again, find something else that can induce this or keep on doing this one again until he can find an answer.
I am pretty certain the first hit was Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple. I am also sure my Father had something to do with it. I don't remember when and where, just him saying the name and the plug [dealer] in a different location and time. That led to ACDC, Guns N ' Roses, Black Sabbath, Nirvana, Soundgarden, legends like Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix. It was an amazing journey which hasn't ended yet. I think it's Hendrix, Adam Jones from Tool and John Frusciante from Red Hot Chilli Peppers that finally gave the much-needed Spartan kick to pick up the six strings.
There's this mindblowing, priceless band called Tool that didn't put their catalogue up for streaming until 2019. Coincidentally, I discovered them around the same time, which led to Justin Chancellor, bassist of Tool, and Flea, the bassist of Red Hot Chili Peppers, frying what was left of my mind.
It was not as if I wasn't already drowning in music before, by drowning I mean "listening" listening. What is that, you ask? It is doing nothing else but focusing on and soaking it all in. On average, an album or two a day will be used to get high; now it's a lot more intense.
The high kept climbing over hills and mountains, past the space station and the moon, on and on it went like a ray of light along the Y-axis. Sadly, what goes up must also come down, and so it did without the same glory and grace it went up.
It teleported itself to the origin and wouldn't move.
There is a word for what just happened, and that word is anhedonia. Just hearing the word makes my skin crawl. It was as if a train suddenly lost its tracks while it was going blazing fast; the result was the whole train getting obliterated. I became a literal trainwreck. I'm better now, at least now there is a train on the track and moving, slowly. That's fine as progress, and that has to be acknowledged. [ by you, not others]
Music has always been one of those things that makes you want to wake up from your bed and do something. There is this silent assurance we all have that an ability to do something wouldn't just vanish away; the trainwreck showed me what can happen. If you told me that "it is possible to one day out of nowhere you would lose your ability to do something, like playing guitar or listening to music", I would have laughed it off. Now I dread the complete onset of something of that nature fully returning
I still can't play the guitar, mind you, but I can feel music in 1/4th of what I could.
Maybe driving around blasting music on volume while flooring the accelerator will fix it; just the thought of it brought an ear-to-ear grin. Never did I think I wouldn't mind traffic because traffic = more time on the road = more time in the car = more music. I can't even comprehend what it would be to hit the road with a bomb playlist and just letting it loose.
This is a not-so-new ritual, I believe, at least some of us perform. The ritual is the one above, minus the flooring, the accelerator part just giving it enough juice to go at normal speeds. On the quest for more dopamine and its friends, I go on and on, hoping the insatiable thirst will somehow get quenched.
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